How can conflict be healthy? (Part 2 of 2)

What can we do to shift from unhealthy conflict to healthy conflict?

I asked the participants of the course “Open Minds: Learn, Work and Achieve More Together” what they thought.

Here's what they came up with:

• Be a role model

• Prepare for conversations and be mindful of intention

• Excuse ourselves until we are more calm

• Disengage when necessary

• Use Liberating Structures with groups to empower everyone

• Go with a spirit of curiosity and adventure

• Practice self-awareness and pause when triggered

• Notice when we dehumanize the other person

• Let others know we care about they have to say

• Practice dialogue

• Ask for support to stay regulated

• Move away from right/wrong thinking

• Notice the language of judgment

• Vocalize a desire for understanding

• Take deep breaths

• Make eye contact

• See the other person’s humanity

• Be curious about the person’s needs

• Listen openly and with curiosity

• Listen to understand, not to respond

• Be willing to adjust our opinion or behavior when we can

• Maintain respect for the other person even when things are difficult

• Refuse to listen to or cooperate with the “conflict entrepreneurs”

• Avoid doing anything that would publicly embarrass anyone

• Intervene on our own binary thinking and enlarging our “us” to include “them”

• De-normalize violence by saying “it is never OK to be violent” when we witness violence or threats

Heaven knows, this kind of shift is not easy. I know very few people who are good at it! But we have to start somewhere, and we must start with ourselves. We can:

• Watch for signs of unhealthy conflict that might lead to violence (see part 1 of 2).

• Recognize that there ARE things we can do to shift unhealthy to healthy conflict.

• Chose to practice and develop habits that can help de-escalate unhealthy conflicts.

What new habit for shifting conflict will you practice today?

Here is Part 1 of 2 of this article.

-------------

To be notified about new blog posts, courses and workshops and to receive tips for improving your meetings, sign up for our news emails.

Photo Credit: CherryDeck on Unsplash